To Determine the Motion of a Cat with a Slice of Buttered Toast Strapped to its Back: Let F_c be the attractive forces of each of the cat's feet to the carpeting (not shown), and let F_bt be the net rotational torque imposed by the carpeting upon the buttered side of the toast. By the 42nd proposition of Murphy's Laws, the system will begin to rotate in a counterclockwise fashion, causing the cat (C) to experience a large measure of confusion. The partially melted butter (B), which is adhered to the toast (T) by comparatively weak Van der Waals forces, is overwhelmed by the large centrifugal fictional force, though the buttered toast(BT)and cat(C)will in fact cancel out each other's forces to fall on their butter side/feet, causing the buttered toast/cat(BT+C) to spin in a clockwise motion. The spinning cat and toast (C+T), having thus divested itself of surplus butter, will then experience tidal drag within the Earth's gravitational field until such time as rotational equilibrium is restored.
It has been universally proven that cats always land on their feet when pushed from a 10th story balcony, and it is a widely known fact that a cat reaches its terminal velocity (the fastest speed it can reach before it stops accelerating and moves at a constant speed) after falling a mere seven stories. A cat might sustain minor bruises and such from a fall from this height. It actually has a reduced risk of injury if falling from a height greater than 7 stories because it has time to orient itself feet-first and stretch out like a flying squirrel to absorb the impact better. To test this scientific discovery, a cat was lobbed off the roof of a 100-story building, plummeting to the ground, where it hissed up at the scientists and scurried into an alley after a mouse. Final conclusion based on result of experiment: cat + 100 stories=angry cat. This result can also be expressed using the equation .
It is also widely known that buttered toast tends to land butter side down when dropped. Deranged lunatics once had a theory that if they tied toast butter side up onto a cat's back, and threw the cat off a ledge, the laws of physics would battle it out, while one law is trying to land butter side down, the other law is trying to land on its paws, which would result in anti-gravity struggle in mid-air to fufill the proper law(s). Although this theory was widely believed for a few years, it was later proven wrong when the experiment was carried out, leaving 2 of our 5 scientists blind due to the feline clawing their eyes out. They concluded that toast doesn't always land butter side down, and to this day toast landing butter side down is not one of the laws of physics.
Cats always landing on their feet is also not one of the laws of physics. Sometimes, they fall so fast that they don't have enough time to swivel around and they land on their side like a pancake. Cats also must protect themselves, because in the wild they need to be agile, flexible, large in appearance to enemies and able to lick their anus, therefore toast lands different ways depending on how it fell, and cats landing on their feet is an instinct, so...um...what the hell am I trying to prove?

Cats have many uses, like serving as a rifle.
Various other hypotheses suggesting that the cat will still fall on its feet and then roll over exist. But no one has ever proven such ridiculous theories yet, and never plan to.
Another possibility is that if you let a cat fall with buttered toast strapped to its back over a highly expensive carpet, it will land on its feet, destroy the carpet in anger and then roll over in order to get rid of the toast, ruining the carpet beyond all reason.
NASA has also discovered that the catfall principle could be used as a potentially good source of antigravity. If one's spaceship holds a sufficient catmass then there is no need for expensive rockets. Alien cultures have long known this and have been using catpower as their main means of atmospheric flight since 3 quadrillion B.C., although we humans are such idiots that we've never thought to use cats for this purpose until recently. Unbeknownst to many, the eerie hum of UFOs is actually the sound of hundreds of purring tabby cats. Cat Power, wrote about the Phenomenon, and the way it changed interstellar travel forever, in her album You Are Free.
This can be expressed using the formula where is the cats mass, is the toast's mass, is the butter's mass, and is the spaceship's thrust.

[edit] Cats and other animals

Cats are very dominant anti-social creatures who constantly exercise their telepathic ability to control nu mou movement toward the food box. Cats enjoy their domineering lifestyle, and for this reason hate all other household pets. Any new pet that is introduced in the house is greeted with a "Hello, how would you like to die?" -- clearly seen in the illustration on the right. In this particular case the cat has a very cunning plot to let the snake eat her, after which the cat's owners, who invested years and care, devotion and kindness to get the slightest bit of love from the cat, gut the snake alive and retrieve kitty. Of course, the cat survives. She doesn't even have to use one of her nine lives. Unless of course the knife used while gutting the snake severs one of the main arteries leading to the cat's third stomach (the one that creates gravy and beer).
[edit] Cats and Mice


In his early years, Kitler had an acting career.This is his most famous movie, Sonic the Hedgehog, soon after the shooting of which Kitler was fired.


Cats carry an arsenal of weaponry, including teeth, claws and vicious eye beams.
Cats have always been naturally hostile towards small rodents. Scientists agree that this may have been a result of the disadvantageous outcome of the "Great Turkey War" of 1897, which left cats all over the world bitter and with exceptionally good dental hygiene. People who own both mice and cats generally enjoy playing Hide and Seek with their animals. The mouse is usually found half-digested in the cat's grinning mouth.
[edit] Cats and Birds
A purr is a deep, vibrato sound made by many types of felines. While the sound varies in detail from cat to cat (e.g., loudness, tone, etc.), and from species to species, it can generally be described as a sort of tonal buzzing. Some cats purr so strongly that their entire bodies vibrate. Recent developments show that cats only purr after they've swallowed a hummingbird. The audible purring noise is the hummingbird desperately trying to escape. The ripping sound heard shortly after is the hummingbird succeeding and the cat's extra life repairing the damage. The reason that the cats don't run out of lives after this behaviour is that once the penultimate life is used, the cat's teeth vanish. It is nearly impossible to gum a hummingbird to death.
[edit] Cats and Dogs
Cats and dogs have always had a curiously dangerous relationship. Although the exact cause of the hostilities is unknown, experts believe that it had something to do with 'religious differences'. An interview with a local cat reveals that cats believe that dogs should be punished for invasion of the home pet territory, rightfully possessed by their feline counterparts since 10,000 BCE (Before Cat Empire).
[edit] Kitler
Kitler (or Hitler Cat, as some call him) is known as the most evil cat that ever lived. He was an evil German dictator and during his reign, over nine trillion Mews were killed in concentration camps. Kitler is allied with 3 of his 200,000 siblings,Fidel Catsro, Binito Mewalini and Chairman Meow.
[edit] Recent Developments
Recent discoveries by predominantly Polish scientists have proven that all cats are in fact, bipolar. This is the cause for abrupt mood swings in cats, and the cycle can be seen throughout the day. During a depressive phase, cats are known to sleep. During a manic phase (usually around dinner time), cats are known to claw the living soul out of anything that moves, doesn't move, or tries to run away. Manic behaviour may also include forgetting that it has just eaten.
Cats have recently formed the Feline anti-literacy league which is charged with stamping out literacy wherever they may find it.
[edit] Cats, the Internet, and Tasty Subliminals
Contrary to popular belief, cats can in fact use the Internet. They actually have their own Caternet. y human who discovers the access codes is not immediately killed, but crippled and played with for a while, then partially eaten. After this, the head is then spat out and sticky taped to the body. Only 1 person has survived this, but due to security reasons we can not disclose his/her name. *cough* Bert Newton *cough*.
Cats have also used subliminal messaging to influence people. This can be seen in newspaper articles, television programs and books. The prominent author 'Molly Katz' is actually a cat hidden behind a clever pen-name. The cover of one of her books can be found here.
[edit] Diet
Keep cat......

[edit] External links
• One of the many joys of cat ownership
Dogs are the reigning, dominant species over the face of Mars and the Earth, a fact manifested by their uncanny ability to force their human underlings to pick up their crap from the street while the dog supervises. They also enslave humans by making them willingly pay for expensive 60-lb. bags of food and treats to feed their voracious appetites (studies have shown, no matter how much you feed a dog, the little fucker will STILL want YOUR food!), and picking up expensive health care tabs. The human slaves away at a job while the dog stays home chewing shoes, drinking from the toilet, licking his balls, humping your wife while she sleeps and sleeping/shitting in the human's bed/carpet. To do all this, they apply a hardcore psychological manipulation developed over centuries on their human puppets via body language and the development of eyebrow-like hair above their eyes to make them look sad and cute. Dogs are known to live by the motto In Dog we trust, but at times it is also stated as Who let the dogs out?
Dogs love cats. True. very true. Now tell your mom that you learned that in school and watch the school board get sued!!! Oy.
They can also force humans to take them out for walks during thunderstorms and ice storms. They are part of the squirrel family, and are different from pigeons in that they are four-legged, but they do also either have or do not have a trunk.
Despite popular sentiment otherwise, the dog is man's worst enemy. All dogs, great and small, would not hesitate for an instant to kill you savagely, tear off your head and shit down your neck, then eat your children Mike Tyson-style and fuck your woman.[1] Luckily, they restrain themselves in most cases because attacking humans means almost certainly the end of having a leg/pillow to hump, table scraps, a warm house and a toilet to drink from, as well as kibble and sausages. Attacking humans can also result in being hit in the head with a rolled-up newspaper and death. Dogs are definitely not as stupid as they look.
Also, when many young dogs (or "puppies", as they are sometimes referred to) are brought together in large groups of 10 or 12 and placed in a cardboard box with a blanket, they have been known to cause much enjoyment in females and small children, who enjoy being licked in the face by the pups despite the fact that the dogs had been eating their own fucking shit and licking their own genitalia a couple of minutes earlier. Though they are cute, they cannot be trained away from their natural killer instinct.
Experts also predict the dogs will never get caught red-handed in their schemes; even if they do, they will never confess to all the terrible things that they probably have done. They will simply yawn, fart and casually smell each other's asses, while showing no sympathy for whoever takes the blame. In fact, when a dog eats someone's face off or causes property damage, the owner is the one stuck paying all material and court costs. Dogs also enjoy unparalleled clemency compared to humans in the offense of noise pollution... which is why you always blame the dog when you are baking brownies. Unprovoked dogs" dogs, puppies, and bitches all have their own respective religions, Dogism, Puppism, and Bitchism. In all of these religions The Ultimate Baby Who is Quite Gentle (AKA Jessies 2.0) is God, Dog-version-of-Jesus-type-thing, and has complete control over all dogs...and can fly with only thoughts. It's magical bone can bring members of the dog race back to life and can kill any cat within one mile.